French Songs Remind Me of Malaysia

When i fall in love with an artist, a genre, or an album, i tend to listen to it over and over and over again until my ears bleed.

It was the end of September 2006 and i fell in love with French songs.

Though I went to Paris way back in 1997, I don't know why I fell for their songs. I don't know any French. I am not so keen on French culture. Heck, I don't even know a single French word!

But maybe that's exactly what captured my fancy. Whenever I listen to it, I feel I am somewhere else. Far from here. Far from such familiar sadness. Far from regular problems. Far from constant disappointments. Far from my existing lonely space.

When October 2006 came, my family and I went to Malaysia for vacation. This time I am physically away from my depressing little world and it was --- GREAT! I met new people. Saw new things. Ate weird stuff. Slept in different places. Bought useless things. And I loved it!

To top it all, I was listening to my French playlist! I was on top of the world, the world in my narcissistic mind.

But of course, i had to return to reality. So here I am again, just waiting for another escape.

Maybe I should listen to Indian music and go somewhere near Turkey. What do you think?

VOID

I MISS HIM.
THE LESSONS HE TAUGHT ME, THE JOKES HE SHARED WITH ME.

I MISS HIM.
THE COMFORT HE GAVE ME, THE CONFIDENCE HE HAD IN ME.

I MISS HIM.
THE WAY HE MADE ME FEEL SPECIAL. THE WAY HE TOLD ME HIS DARKEST SECRETS.

I MISS HIM.
HIS VOICE. HIS TOUCH.
THE WAY HE'D PROTECT ME FROM PEOPLE WHO PUT ME DOWN... FROM THINGS THAT HURT... FROM MY THOUGHTS AND DOUBTS.
WITH HIM THERE'S CONTENTMENT, PEACE, RESPECT AND LOVE.
WITH HIM, I'M READY TO FACE ANYTHING. WITH HIM, I FEEL POWERFUL.
I DON'T MIND BEING VUNERABLE, HE'LL ACCEPT ME --- STRONG OR WEAK, DUMB OR SMART, RICH OR POOR, FAT OR THIN --- NOTHING MATTERED TO HIM --- NOTHING EXCEPT ME.

WHAT WOULD I TRADE TO GET HIM BACK. WHAT WOULD I HAVE TO DO?

Control G

Only if it were this simple.

All I had to do is press CONTROL G for you to notice me.
Juat a CONTROL G and you'd know I am thinking of you.
Just a CONTROL G and you'd know I want you to see me, hear me, read me.

The noise may bother you because i'd press it until you give me a smiling face.
But nonetheless, you'd know I love you...

Only if it was that simple.

Red Alert

It's Valentine's Day.

Be cautious. Be numb. Be brave.

Be cautious not to wear anything red. It may seem that i'm in love --- when i am NOT.
Be numb of the happiness that will be rubbed in my face by couples intoxicated by it --- while i breathe loneliness.

Be brave to be cautious and numb at the same time --- it's hard to know that the love you want really exists, but it's not for you.

Giving In

I am the kind of person who don't usually give in --- fast.
Ergo, I only made a blogspot account just now. After my friends (ehem, ehem hazel?) persistently erged me to create one, even when i am already contented with my multiply account. Why did I give in? I don't know. The important thing is that I did. Agree?

And what better day to start than THE Vday!

If you ask me, the heart is the strongest part of the human body. It's resilient to heavy beating. Durable enough to withstand decades and decades of hurt and pain. The bone gets brittle, lungs get spots, but the heart --- even if physically damaged, can still feel. It can still love.

So no matter how many times you get rejected. How many times you get betrayed. How many times you felt abandoned... You'll still keep coming back for more.